Shse Does Not Let Her Lamp Go Out At Night

After going through Proverbs 31 for my 101 Things in 1001 Days, I have really been thinking about not letting my lamp go out at night.

I realize that there are several times that by the end of the day, I am so wiped out that I not only look forward to my beloved putting the kids down, but I leave dishes left undone and food still on the stove (which means a waste of food). I usually end the night by going up stairs, wiped out and then crash in bed. But I don't fall asleep, I keep thinking about all the things I want or need to do.

And then, when the kids wake up in the middle of the night needing me, I am really wiped out and sometimes have to force myself out of bed, secretly hoping they would just fall back asleep.

What is sad is those times are precious. I have had some of the best one on one conversations with my girls when they wake up needing me. And even baby JJ. He is such a cuddler. When he wakes up, and I go in to get him, he hugs me so tightly.

Heaps of guilt for wishing they would go back to sleep so I can sleep come over me. It just shows my selfishness and I hate it. It is amazing how often God uses my children to convict me of the sin in my life. And how often He uses my children to show me an amazing facet of God's character and love.

Maybe that is why some mothers really don't enjoy their children. They don't enjoy the conviction that comes along with children. We tend to see our TRUE selves with our children. Either in our behavior with them or in the CHILD'S behavior. We wonder where they learned something, but most of the times, if we are honest with ourselves, they learned it from us.

I am very thankful that I am open to God's conviction in my life. If I were not, I might not find the joy in my children that God wants a mother to have in her children. Children ARE a blessing. Now if only I can remember that at 2AM when I am half asleep instead of after I drag myself out of bed and spend time with them.

Or better yet, live in such a way that my lamp does not go out at night. I know that part of it is also my health habits. I am not eating right nor am I sleeping well. I know that those physical factors affect my character - in other words they allow my character flaws to show through. ;)

Anyways, thanks for hearing me ramble today. I just need to talk this through.