Fireproofing MY Marriage

Tonight is family pizza movie night. Because of my husband's work (long story), we had to be out of the house. So no pizza (who has gluten free pizza in restaurants?). And when we got home, right at bed time for JJ and movie time for the girls, the girls came into my bedroom and waited patiently while I put JJ down for the night.

Then the movie .... Fireproof.

It was interesting to see my oldest daughter's reactions during the movie. She laughed at all the things that make you laugh. And she cried at all the things that made you cry. She cried at the heart ache of divorce. She was joyful over the wife coming to Christ. And at the end of it all, she exclaimed "that was the best movie I have ever seen!"

I have this blog, in which I am as open and honest as I feel that I can be (in order to keep my family safe). Part of that is that I want a searchable record for myself and a record for my children. And part of that is that God might use me to help just one person. I never know because most of the people who read my blog are like me. VERY little time, searching just for something that I might be able to use in my family or home school, but never really having time to comment.

So now I share something I have not shared before now. I feel it is important in order to keep me humble and remember where I have come from, how far God has brought me, and hopefully to fireproof my children in their marriage that they will never have to face what we have.

You see, the movie is very dear to Brian and myself because we have been there. While we agreed before we married that divorce was never an option, separation almost tore us apart.

I was a very selfish person. And being a selfish person I was very lazy. Now I want to make clear that I am STILL selfish AND lazy, but God has done and is still doing a work in me. I have come a long way and have a longer way to go.

LONG story short, I have learned a few things.

First, I learned how to submit to my husband. I had thought I was submissive, and if you had asked Brian if I was submissive, he would have said yes with no reservations. God showed me what it meant to be truly and biblical submissive (and not just submissive according to what other ladies in the church said submission meant). In short, I am not a doormat, and you can search SUBMISSION at the top of the blog to read my views on submission. I am not perfect in this area, and I still daily fall short. But I know now when I am in the wrong. And it honors my husband when I submit fully with all my heart.

It is because I have learned what submission BIBLICALLY means that any of the rest of this makes any sense.

I have learned to met my husband's needs. God created me as a helper, a helpmeet to my husband.

I have learned that my husband NEEDS a clean house. Now you can search my archives and see my daily struggle with keeping a home. My house, while no longer completely messy, is not as clean as it can and SHOULD be for my husband. It did not get messy overnight and it will not get clean overnight. But I make time to not only clean, but get the kids to clean as well. And when we get something clean, we keep it clean. I see progress every day. And I will continue to make progress every day because my husband needs it.

I have also learned that I need to stop being so selfish and make sacrifices for my husband. Part of that means rubbing his feet, and doing so without getting anything in return. Brian has a hernia and several people all reported being able to avoid surgery by reflexology on certain points in the feet. So I have been trying to rub his feet every night. No matter how tired I am. And no matter how I would love for him to rub my feet just once. :)

I have learned to see that my husband shows me love in different ways. I could want something like a foot rub from my husband, but him rubbing my feet is not a way that he would show love to me. Sure, he would do it if I asked him. But I want him to just KNOW what I want. :) I have learned to share my wants/needs with my husband so he can fulfill them (if he is able). And if I do not share those wants/needs with him, I remember that he shows me love in different ways.

I have also learned that being a helpmeet means meeting his needs. I listen more carefully now for the little things he says he wants/needs done. Today, in passing, during the few minutes we actually got to spend together, he mentioned that he needed wool socks washed. In the past, i might have heard that and ignored it (too wrapped up in my selfishness to want to do laundry) or it gone in one ear and out the other (because, again, I would have been too wrapped up in my selfishness). So I did one load of laundry today. One load that will bless my husband when he has wool socks to wear tomorrow.

I also make him lunch now. You see, beforehand I was too lazy to worry about making a lunch for my husband (sounds so bad to say that I know). I would bring out something for the girls to eat, and snack on something myself, but felt it was too much effort to make something for my husband to eat. Because he works from his office, he can't really eat a meal, so I found a use for those Tupperware circle things with all the dividers for different veggies and a dip. I make a dip, put in some veggies, add some other fun finger foods and bring it in for him. He is able to snack all day on things MUCH healthier than candy and cookies.

And I think what has been the second most important change, only second to biblical submission, and only possible because of God...I smile. It sounds simply enough, but it means SO MUCH to my man. It is a literal NEED for him like breathing and water. And you know what, it has made my husband happier. It makes him secure in our marriage, especially during those times where he has two weeks worth of 17-20 hour workdays. It brings him a little bit of happiness and joy.

Actually all of these things so simple, yet when put together, help me make my marriage fireproof. With God's strength and daily grace, I am reminded of and able to do the simplest of things that didn't used to be so simple.

The Past Few Day's Doings

I don't know if it's hormones ... or the fact that I really fear losing my husband (I know he's in God's hands, but I am not ready to lose him yet), but the past few days have been very difficult emotionally. I have had sad moments in the past, but having Brian here and kids to care for, I was never really got terribly low. I got up and did what I had to to care for them.

But the day after Brian left (remember he is on a business trip), I was sad. The next day, I was even sadder. And I could feel myself slipping. I spent all day in bed and the kids watched hours of The Magic School Bus.

While I know there are people who have serious medical depression, I know that I am not one of those people. If you are, please seek medical help and know that it is OK to seek medical help when you need it.

So I prayed. I prayed telling God I did not want to be like this this next day. I prayed that God would help give me the motivation to get out of bed and home school the kids. That He would help me to clean the house. No prayer is too small to be lifted up to Him, and thus I fell asleep asking that the next day would be better with His strength.

God is faithful.

First, I received a phone call from a new friend! She was visiting her parents in the Springs, and called in response to an email about possibly getting together. In just a few hours. :) So I got up, showered and got dressed. The kids got ready and off we went. It was a WONDERFUL time and I have such good memories of those few hours together! :) It felt good to see the girls having so much fun! (And her little 1 year old boy happily kicking just like little boys do was a big help too.)

After getting home, my mom called and I had a great talk with her. She seems to always know when I am in need of a call and some laughs and encouragement.

AA finished her reading and copywork.

And I got the counter cleaned off in the kitchen. It was a little thing, but it was a step forward. Some thing was done. Some thing got cleaned. :)

Today, I got several loads of laundry done, the dining room, living room and den areas clean. And dishes are in the washer washing (my nightly servant)! :) The kids were GREAT helpers, each doing their part. And I have created a few new rules that I need to be consistent with and I know that if I do, the kids will finally get to a point where they are cleaning up not only after themselves, but after each other! Watching out for each other AND cleaning up...it's a good thing.

And having a cleaner house ... for me it's a good thing.

Prayer is so powerful. I am not a prayer warrior. I am honestly surprised that God answers any of my prayers. But I am so thankful that when I do cry out...He **IS** there. Some people might say Christianity is a crutch. I know that I heard that when I first became a Christian, do people even think that anymore? But honestly, HONESTLY, I don't know how I get by a day without Him. Yes, I can (and sadly often DO) go through the day by myself. But those days where I remember to invite Him in are some of my best days.

It is kinda like Disneyland. I go through the day perfectly content making mud pies in the backyard when there is a ticket for me and my family to go and enjoy Disneyland. All I have to do is remember to pick it up. Every day. Sometimes every moment! :D It's a joyful thing, and not a crutch at all.

God Answers Unasked Prayers

This morning, EARLY this morning, my beloved felt and urging to look at a web site that he is in charge of. It is for a VERY small, non-for-profit organization here where we live. It is all about history and keeping the good old days alive and their knowledge passed on.

Sadly, the site had been hacked. EVERYTHING was gone and the passwords were stolen. I am not sure how it happened. I do not even know WHY someone would be so hateful to such a wonderful organization (although admittedly, they were broken into several months ago and over $3000 worth of equipment was stolen). This is so very sad and devastating.

But my beloved had not thought about the site in quite some time. And yet God put it on his heart to check the site this morning.

I love how God will answer our unasked prayers!!!

Answered Prayers

This past weekend, it seemed that we kept losing one thing right after another. First, JJ's drink, then a book, then some bill Brian needed, then ... well you get the idea. Everytime I asked the girls for help finding it, the first thing they asked was "Have you prayed yet?" Sadly I had to answer NO each time. The girls and I would pray and sure enough within minutes each item was found! That not answered our prayers to find the lost items, but answered my prayer that the girls would seek the Lord in all things. I will continue to pray that until the day I die.

God answered all of our prayers about Brian and his health. He is healthier than I am!!

JJ is having a VERY difficult time with his environmental allergies. Of course it doesn't help when I forget to give him his medicine. But even though last night he was REALLY BAD, God allowed the medicine to kick in pretty fast and JJ was only up for about three hours last night! And only one of those was him struggling to breathe. I know it sounds odd to give thanks for that, but we are to give thanks in ALL things.

UPDATE on Brian (after the doc appt)

So Brian is in better health than I am! LOL!! They are still not certain WHAT caused Brian's chest to hurt like it did (it could have been an esophageal spasm or just plain anxiety attack). All I know is I am SO THANKFUL to all of you who prayed! I am NOT ready to lose him.

But God did use it as a wake up call in my life of things **I** need to change in order to be a better helpmeet to Brian. AND to realize that I need to give him to the Lord and not hold onto him so tightly. I cannot change Brian. I cannot keep him alive. I cannot make him healthy. But I can support him in prayer for the changes God CAN make in him. I can do pray for his heart and make healthy meals for him that God CAN bless.

Because of his family history (his dad suffered a MAJOR heart attack about 5 years ago?? I am fuzzy on exactly when, and I believe his father's side of the family has had history of heart problems as well) they are going to keep an eye on him and run some more tests. But all in all the heart specialist said that there really shouldn't be anything to worry about.

THANKS AGAIN TO ALL OF YOU FOR YOUR PRAYERS! I am so thankful to God that He is gracing me with more time to love on and serve Brian.

The Blessing of A Hormonal 8 1/2 yr old!!

I am humbled how God will use my children to teach me and bring me closer to Him.

AA is an 8 1/2 yr old bundle of raging hormones. This has given me a VERY great appreciation for ALL I put my mother through!! LOL!!

But it has also caused AA difficulty. She is scared and unsure why things which came so easily to her before are now difficult for her. I just came from her room where she was crying "I want to be my old self!"

Now in this case, it is a GOOD thing to want to be her old self because her old self was much more kind, loving AND obedient. And it seemed to come easily to her.
But how many times do I wish I could be my old selfish self?

You see, it started because AA was told to take a nap because her lack of self control deemed one necessary. (Hey, MOMMA needs a nap too!) She said "Yes Ma'am" and then began arguing with me, very subtly, to please not have to take a nap.
How many times do I try to argue my way out of doing what He has asked?

We try to have the children focus on their heart behind their actions, so I told her that she needed to look at her heart. She was not in true obedience to Mommy because she was arguing with me about taking a nap. We discussed the rebellion and selfishness in her heart because she was putting her own desires above that of being obedient to Mommy.

She kept saying she was trying and that she wanted to be her old self. I explained that the problem was that she was trying to change herself, but God is the only One who can change us.
I have shared on here time and time again how I am STILL learning to allow God to change me and that I cannot do things in my own strength.

I shared with her how it is when we are weak that He makes us strong. So when we are told to do something, we need to realize when our heart is fighting against it and we need to pray and stop that selfish sin right there before it can go any further.

She could pray "Lord, Momma told me to take a nap and I don't want to. I know that this is wrong and selfish. I pray Lord that You will help me to die to myself and live for You. Help me to be obedient to my Mommy and glorify You Lord."

It was as I was sharing that prayer with her I realized that there are a lot of times when I feel the Lord telling me to do something, and I will not be obedient to Him. I want to blog, or read blogs, or read a book, or find out how the movie ends, or.... the list goes on and on. And instead, I need to stop and pray for God to help me to be obedient to Him. I need to allow myself to be weak in my self so I can be made strong in Him.

I shared that realization with my daughter, and how I was so thankful to God for using HER to teach me. She smiled. And then we prayed together. I cannot express the joy that overcame me as I realized that what had just happened deeply affected AA. I had been praying that God would help me to reach her. I could see that she was struggling, but had no idea what to say to her. Being humbled enough to share my weakness allowed AA to see God's strength. She was touched and this is not something she will easily forget. And I pray it is something she will easily remember to do as needed. Glory be to God!!! :D

Romans 8:25-27

But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance. Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God.

Answered Prayer

I becomes to easy to forget when God answers a prayer. Even the smallest of ones. ESPECIALLY the smallest of ones.

So I am starting a new label. Everytime God answers a prayer, I am going to blog about it, no matter how small or meanial it may seem. That way I can look back on my blog and see all the times God answered my prayers.

Of course God has answered several more before this, including sparing the life of our son. But I will just start with today. Today God answered two prayers.

The first prayer God answered is one that I had prayed a lot in the past, but had forgotten to until recently. I started praying again a few days ago for God to cause my beloved to be praised in the gates. He does not get a lot of praise from co-workers. It is something he really needs. Well not only did a co-worker praise him BUT praised him before others in the company! It was an overabundant answer to prayer! I am so thankful to God for answering my prayer above what I asked for!!!

The second one may seem small, but yesterday there were no discounted bananas. I am in charge of bringing a fruit salad for several ladies at the Homeschool Fair tomorrow and needed bananas. So I prayed that God would provide some discounted bananas today (as the rest of the fruit had been donated by other members in the group). Sure enough, there were four bunches of discounted bananas when I went in tonight! Praise God!!! I am so thankful!!!

Lemon Balm - Help With Allergies AND hyper active kids

Lemon Balm Leaf Steeping in the French Press God Blessed us with!

My daughter (EE) has pretty bad environmental allergies that came out of no where this year. A friend on the local homeschool group told me about Lemon Balm. She used to have to take Clartin if she planned to survive the day, but since drinking lemon balm tea, she has not had to take a single Clartin pill!!

Fill a pot of water 3/4 full and bring to a boil. Remove from heat and add enough Lemon Balm Leaf to cover the bottom, and then some. Cover and steep a minimum of 20 minutes. The longer you steep the more nutrients are drawn from the herb. Dip into and serve in cups throughout the day. Of course by the end of the day, you have more of an infusion than a tea because the herb has steeped for so long (which is a good thing, it means more nutrients)! :)

We add local honey as local honey is really good to help with environmental allergies. EE has to have a minimum of 3 cups (one with each meal) or she still has sneezing and itchy nose/eyes. But as long as she drinks her three cups, there are no signs of allergies whatsoever! :)

We had been on the lookout for a french press to help with the tea. I had been asking at garage sales for three weeks. Either they were not selling theirs OR it had just sold. I never gave up though and believed if God wanted us to have one, He would provide one. 

Well, a couple weeks ago, I asked at another garage sale. He was talking about how I need to look for a certain brand because it is the best. He was so thankful he had bought one because the one he had previously bought was not very good and did not work very well. I told him that I was on the lookout for one for herbs to help my daughter with her allergies and if he might be interested, since he isn't using the other one, getting rid of it. He went it, brought it out, and when I asked how much, he said just take it! FREE!!! I could not believe it. And while it may not work well with coffee, it works WONDERFULLY well with herbs!!!! :)

Shortly after we started giving EE the tea, we noticed an added benefit. You see, while EE is not ADHD, she can get pretty hyper at times and lose self-control quite easily. We noticed that she was much calmer and able to regain control of her self much more often since starting the tea! Turns out that is because lemon balm leaf has a calming effect!!!

It is perfectly safe for children, and even recommended for infants who need calming.

So what better, and more fun way, to get some lemon balm into the kids than with popsicles!!
Pictorial How To Make Lemon Balm Popsicles

I hope you enjoy the benefits as much as we have!