I think I finally understand it. Why even though I know it is wrong, I still try to be the Holy Spirit in my husband's life. It isn't that I don't trust God to do it, I do trust Him. It isn't even that I don't trust God to do it my way. I know God can do it and I would rather He do it His way than mine.
It is that it is easier for me to take things into my own hands than to have to consistently PRAY about it.
I am sure you have heard it before. The story of some wife who sees her husband about to do something she feels is wrong. She seeks counsel and is told to submit and trust God. If she prays, God will lead her husband, and all will be for His glory.
I am not sure if it is that I am lazy or just undisciplined, but I currently lack the ability to be consistent in most areas of my life. And prayer is an area of my life that I lack consistency in.
If I tell someone I will pray for them, I do it right then and there else I will forget and not pray for them at all. And when it comes to submitting to my husband, especially in an area of disagreement...where my prayers can impact my husband, I don't trust myself to pray. So I speak up before submitting.
Now I am not saying that we can never voice our concerns. But there is a difference between speaking up and making an appeal. Speaking up is what most wives do (at least what I do more of), where they speak before thinking and most definitely before praying, resulting in what is most likely an argument between her and her husband where her husband usually ends up submitting to her just to shut her up and make her happy (while he remains totally UNhappy).
Making an appeal is what Esther did when she took the time to pray and fast before approaching her husband the king about the murdering of her people, resulting in her people being saved and her husband being honored.
Either way, I need to get into a habit of praying. Especially before speaking. Especially before speaking to my husband. It will keep us from getting into arguments (which are few and far between, but they still happen) and it will allow me to be more of a helpmeet to my husband. It will be more honoring to him. And it will help me get out of the habit of trying to be the Holy Spirit in my husband's life. God can make him so much better than I can. When will I learn?
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