I have come to the conclusion that the reason that I read and read and READ so many blogs is because I fear that I cannot do it. In reading about the life that I HOPE to live (more simple, hand making more things, gardening, preserving, etc.), I wonder where the time is. Where does it go? And then I realize that I am keeping myself from having the time because I spend so much time reading about it instead of doing it. I am afraid to fail.
I keep rationalizing that I need to read more and more and MORE about it. Saturating myself with knowledge before I jump in and do it. But in doing so, I realize that there is always one more thing to read and one more thing to learn. And nothing ever gets done, and a sort of depression seeps in. Not because I envy the life of others, but because I know, deep down inside, that I am preventing myself from having that life.
It is always one more thing. I need to know more, have more, read more. Where is the contentment and PEACE in that? My God is a God of peace and contentment. Whenever those two elements are missing in my life, it should be a little... no BLARING alarm that I am NOT right with God.
Honestly HE should be my ALL IN ALL. I should be seeking Him daily as to what He would have me do today. And yet, in an effort to try to do what **I think** would please and honor Him, I do not consult Him on the matter.
And I can see the effect this is having on my kids. They are like me, really wanting to do something, but never doing it. There is lots of talk about it, and even looking through books to learn more about it. But then nothing comes of it. And I know that I can see my oldest two getting deeply frustrated when things do not go their way. And I sit them down and comfort them and talk with them. That is their blaring alarm from God that they need to stop and pray and follow Him.
I can tell that my talks are helping because I do hear them suggesting to ME that I should pray more often. LOL! But it is always easier to see the speck in someone else's eye than the log in one's own eye. They do forget to stop and pray themselves. But prayerfully in reminding me, they will learn from me, and listen when Mommy reminds THEM. :)
I need to DO more and stop worry and going over everything in my head. If I am afraid to make mistakes, my children will grow up learning to be afraid to make mistakes. And as the THINKERS I am trying to raise them to be, they have to learn to LEARN from their mistakes (which cannot happen if they never make any). And it would be SO MUCH BETTER for them to make mistakes NOW, in a safe environment where they can be trained, than to get out into the world, and make mistakes and be bashed for them.
And to place a desire in my children's hearts (and mine) to seek Him. Not just daily prayers of praise and thanks to Him. Not just prayers asking for help and protection and guidance. But prayers in which we SEEK Him. Seek His will for each one of us each day.
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