Thursday, December 18, 2008

When It Rains...

I am the worst person to make lemonade out of lemons. I don't have the creativity to do it, nor do I have the optimism needed.

My sister is having a baby 5 weeks early, and I cannot be there to help. My mother is calling every so often to keep me updated as well as ask where things are and how to do things. I desperately want to be there to help my mom, but I can't be. I have to be here.

And not because of money mind you. Brian and I feel that there is no amount of money when it comes to health of family. It is MY immediately family...

JJ has scarlet fever. Sounds worse than it is as it is just a version of strep throat. He is sick and miserable and making me miserable. He needs me here (and could not be anywhere near my mom, my sister's daughter or anything like that with a preemie being born). I guess I cannot be too upset. As with the sage remedy, we were able to avoid him going down the path that he was heading down with a respiratory infection. I am thankful for that.

And Brian is getting some cancer screening done tomorrow. It is mostly precautionary as cancer runs in his family BIG time! But the prep for the screening is really hard on him (I know, I have been there before - long story).

I know that God is in control. I know that all things happen for His good and His glory. And I know that I am where God wants me right now. I just wish my flesh wasn't so strong! I want to be cloned three times over, four actually, so I can be there for the girls, for my sister/mom, for my husband and for my son. How to let go and let God?

I think I will coin a new phrase. I have Eveism. You know the kind. Where after Eve ate of the forbidden fruit, God said she would always have a desire to rule and be in charge. I struggle with this, daily. Thinking I know what is best rather than always submitting to God (or my beloved husband). And it makes me miserable. And it makes everyone around me that I love and care for miserable. Because I know what God wants of me, and yet I work against it.

I have been to the place of being in total submission to God and it is a wonderful and happy place. But when it rains, it seems that my Eveism gets worst. I don't want the rain to turn into a storm before I finally break down and submit.

Your prayers for my beloved are appreciated as the prep for the procedure tomorrow is not a pleasant one. And for the doctors to catch ANY signs of possible cancer, if there are any to be found.

Your prayers for my sister are appreciated (she is prepped and waiting at this point) as I know she is scared, tired, and very worried.

Your prayers for her son are appreciated. Five weeks early makes him a tiny little thing. Preemie boys have a MUCH lower survival rate than preemie girls.

Your prayers for JJ are appreciated as he is one active little boy who does not want to rest OR take his medication.

Your prayers for my daughters are appreciated as I do not want them getting sick.

And finally, your prayers for me are appreciated. I am so very very tired and feel overwhelmed at the moment. I need God's strength and peace. And I need to remember and be willing to submit to Him.

Thank you.

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