Saturday, May 16, 2009

I AM ... Pretty???

OK, so this morning, while still in my nightgown, I go into the room to check on AA (who is sick) and she says "Oh Momma! You look so beautiful! I have never seen you look so beautiful before, except on your wedding day!" (Which of course my wedding pictures are all that she has seen and I paid a lot of money to look pretty on my wedding day!)

SO I took a picture of what she saw:
I AM ... pretty???

I took a picture of the part of my body I hate the most - my tummy and thighs. I am WAY overweight. Of course even though the camera is supposed to add ten pounds, those modeling classes my momma put me in when I was younger paid off! I know how to stand for pictures to make myself LOOK thinner than I really am! LOL!!!

But I had to think about it. I hate my body. I am constantly feeling fat and ugly. You would think that would be enough motivation for me to lose some weight, but it isn't. I was skinny in high school and still no boys ever asked me out. And when I threw myself at them (not being a Christian at the time and totally believing that in order for me to be truly loved I had to be loved by a man), I was told I was too nice.

Of course in hindsight, I know God was protecting me big time. I am now happily married to a most WONDERFUL man - we were both virgins when we married which is a HUGE blessing to have. And I do not think my life would be where it is now had I dated even one of those guys in high school or college. Brian was my first everything. Boyfriend, kiss, engagement, marriage and lover. And he is my best friend too.

But that is off subject (but what wife does not like to brag on how wonderful her husband is?). I had to think about it. I have this HORRIBLE self image of myself. Yet my children see me differently. They see beauty where others find fault.

When do we lose that? What makes us start focusing on the negative rather than the positive? I can put my girls in a pretty dress and their hair can be a total rat's nest and they think they are beautiful and each other are beautiful. I see a rat's nest and negative looks and comments from others.

...whatever is lovely...think on these things.

So what made me lose the focus on the beautiful and lovely in this world? Was it that I spent too much time on the negative? What about all those self esteem boosters that they give you in the public school? I have a horrible self esteem! Even in Jesus.... hmmm... maybe that is what it is. I am looking at things through the world's eyes rather than His.

Maybe that is why we are told to think on true and lovely things. It is a way of God teaching us to see through His eyes rather than our own.

I have to remember that I am beautiful in God's eyes. He made me. And He loves me unconditionally.

1 comment:

Rebecca said...

I am LOVIN' this 365 day challenge you went on! I look forward to popping in and seeing you here! (Not just HEARING from you-though that is great too)

You ARE pretty!

1) I don't know WHAT you are talking about (I am WAY over weight?!?) crazy. lady. CRAZY CRAZY What are you---size 10?!? sheesh

2) I get down on myself too, because I am about 40 pounds more than my ideal weight and....after three kids, know. But then I remind myself that I AM pretty. Because I HAVE to be-because I am made in God's image. When I look at it that way, I HAVE to feel better about myself.