Inspired by my husband, I am doing a 365 Days of Self Portraits. I do NOT like pictures of myself. But I thought it would be fun to do this as part of journaling.
I started out trying to take a picture of myself, and little MM, she ALWAYS is by my side. So of course she ended up in most of the tries at a good picture of me (or at least something someway decent).
I loved how it came out. I love how she loves me. And it shows who I am - a mom (I am other things as well and those will be future pictures). I take joy in my children!
Those wrinkles - I like to call them smile wrinkles because that is how I got all those wrinkles. I also look so much older than I am. :(
I know a lot of that is poor eating habits for SO LONG in my life. But I also think some of that is the fact that I worry WAY too much. I do not put enough trust in the Lord. It is no wonder that my children are not walking in faith like I wish they were. I am not setting the best example.
"Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. Acknowledge him in all your ways and He will direct your paths." I have such a HARD time trusting in Him and not leaning on my own understanding. I have a lot of "knowledge" (though admittedly I know very little) - but that is secular humanism rather than Biblical truth. I go based on what I feel rather than what I know the Bible says. And when I feel the Lord's leadings, sometimes I go the opposite (selfish) direction.
I need to be better if I want my children to be better. I want them to be BETTER than me. OH how I have a pet peeve about parents who say "I hope you ..... when you grow up" and that something is always what you are putting them through. I hope my children are so well trained in the fear and admonition of the Lord that they are better parents than I am and therefore their kids will be better kids than they were/are. Each generation becoming BETTER than the previous.
SO maybe, like in The Love Dare, where you do one thing at a time, but continue to do that thing each day... so maybe today, whenever I have a choice, I will pray first rather than going with what I feel. And when I am afraid of the consequences of an action, I will trust in God for the outcome, especially if I am doing His will (rather than my own).
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