Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Changing The Heart of a Rebel

I LOVE listening to S.M. Davis. His stuff is convicting and empowering/encouraging at the same time. Right now I am listening to his Changing The Heart Of A Rebel sermon. This is good not only for those who have children who are rebelling, but those who want to PREVENT their children from rebelling.

Here are some personal notes:

The heart is the most important thing. YOU MUST HAVE YOUR CHILD's HEART!

First you lose their heart, then they harden their heart, then their heart is able to be stolen from you.
lost heart > hardened heart > stolen heart

What if you have lost their heart? WIN THEM BACK! The same things that allow others to steal your child's heart, can allow you to steal it back!

If you have lost your child's heart be careful not to HARDEN the child's heart! ANGER hardens the child's heart.

Fear of explosions of anger cause a child to withdraw into a shell and they take their heart with them.

DO NOT PROVOKE YOUR CHILDREN TO WRATH. Ways to provoke a child to wrath:
criticising or needling the child
holding them to too high of a standard or having high expectations of them
they have to do too much to earn your praise
compare them to others
make them do something they are terribly afraid to do
don't communicate enough with them
spend too much time outside the home
watch TV too much
get buried in books (or computer) too often
don't listen to them

LISTEN to your child and then SPEAK KINDLY while touching them.

Proverbs 24:3 says a house is build by understanding. Seek to understand your child. Tell them you WANT to understand them. Don't belittle them because you think they are making a big deal about nothing. LISTEN to them. If it is important to them, IT IS IMPORTANT!

Meet your child's needs. Not just what you think their needs are, but what she shares her needs are. (personal note here, a few nights back, beloved asked each of the girls what they need - without having heard this sermon - and it was amazing to hear their answers. Things as simple as more hugs!)

Only the heart can keep the heart. The first thing to do at any sign of rebellion is not to get frustrated and pull away. You need to pull them CLOSER!! Stop being so critical and harsh. PRAISE PRAISE PRAISE! They need to feel accepted. Praise is like a powerful magnet drawing the heart of a child drawing the child to you. But criticism is like a polar magnet pushing them in the opposite direction. When praise or criticism is done in the presence of others it multiplies the effect, drawing them even closer or pushing them further and further away.

Once you get a heart back, have a heart check EVERY DAY! Make sure there are NO BARRIERS! Do something EVERY DAY to tie new heart strings between you and the child. Spend at least ONE HOUR A DAY with the child.


You can listen to it yourself free online! Changing The Heart of a Rebel by S.M. Davis
There is also a fill in the blank worksheet from Dr. S.M. Davis
Or read it online Part 1 and Part 2


Cindy said...

"Fear of explosions of anger cause a child to withdraw into a shell and they take their heart with them."

This is what I've been trying to explain to my husband for years but didn't know how to put it into words! So simple and right to the point! Thank you! :) He's getting much better about controlling his anger and being much more gentle with the kids. God is so good!

Anonymous said...

thank you for sharing this, it'll be helpful to many :)

God bless,