Ramblings on faith and eternity and my children

Have you ever noticed that your faults tend to become your children's faults?

I admit I have very little faith. I know God CAN do it, but never truly believe He WILL do it. I pray all the time with my children (whenever a toy has been lost, or an owie has occurred, or whenever one of them is sick). But then they see my panic whenever I lose something or whenever my babies are sick... they SEE my lack of faith.

I especially see it in our oldest (7yrs now). She is at that age where she can recognize fakeness. It is not that I am trying to be fake. I know God can do it. I guess my self-image prevents me from believing God cares enough about this small little thing to actually DO it.

Yet His word tells me that He knows the number of hairs on my head. That he provides exceedingly and abundantly above all I ask or think. This lets me know He cares about the smallest of details.

Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God.

I need to read the Bible a whole lot more. It is way too important and time is too short for me not to show my kids the importance of His word.

Yesterday when we were reading the Bible for Easter (how come we only read the Bible as a family on holidays? that needs to change), my beloved read about how the woman poured oil over Jesus' head, which Jesus said was in preperation for His burial. He mentioned that Jesus knows our hearts, and said he thought that this woman believed Jesus when He said He was going to die. Something that not even His closest of friends and disciples really believed or understood. And yet this woman, believing Him, poured oil over His head in preperation for His burial.

My daughter asked shortly after that if they could look for eggs now. My beloved's and my soul felt singed at that. It was as if we both knew, at that same moment, just how close we can come to losing her soul. This lead to a very long lecture about how important God's word is... yadda yadda yadda.

About 10 minutes into the lecture (I told you it was a lecture), it struck me that everything we were saying to her was lip service. We KNEW what we were saying was true, but we had not been LIVING it. We need to SHOW her how important God's word is by giving it ample time in our day. By reading it and living it. His word is the standard by which we should be living our lives, and yet how little we (and our children) KNOW His word.

We need to show the grace that God talks about in His word. We need to show the love and kindness God tells us to in His word. If I want my children to abide in Him, I MUST abide in His first.

My children's eternity is at stake. I feel a heavy burden at this moment. Everything else seems like vanity (the scrapbooking, the crochet, the pretty Easter dresses...). The only things that matters is the eternal, my children's souls. And yet how to do it with the love and grace of the Lord so it is real, and not done just out of fear.

I want my children to know and LOVE God. Yes, we are told to fear Him, but I don't want that to be their motivating factor. Fear is NOT love, and the greatest commandment is to LOVE God.

I feel so helpless right now. Am I the only one who feels or has ever felt this way?

The L2L that we have been doing has been helping them to love each other, but how do you teach your children to love God? How do you foster a personal relationship between your children and God? And how do you stop worrying about their eternity?