Friday, January 30, 2009

Fireproofing MY Marriage

Tonight is family pizza movie night. Because of my husband's work (long story), we had to be out of the house. So no pizza (who has gluten free pizza in restaurants?). And when we got home, right at bed time for JJ and movie time for the girls, the girls came into my bedroom and waited patiently while I put JJ down for the night.

Then the movie .... Fireproof.

It was interesting to see my oldest daughter's reactions during the movie. She laughed at all the things that make you laugh. And she cried at all the things that made you cry. She cried at the heart ache of divorce. She was joyful over the wife coming to Christ. And at the end of it all, she exclaimed "that was the best movie I have ever seen!"

I have this blog, in which I am as open and honest as I feel that I can be (in order to keep my family safe). Part of that is that I want a searchable record for myself and a record for my children. And part of that is that God might use me to help just one person. I never know because most of the people who read my blog are like me. VERY little time, searching just for something that I might be able to use in my family or home school, but never really having time to comment.

So now I share something I have not shared before now. I feel it is important in order to keep me humble and remember where I have come from, how far God has brought me, and hopefully to fireproof my children in their marriage that they will never have to face what we have.

You see, the movie is very dear to Brian and myself because we have been there. While we agreed before we married that divorce was never an option, separation almost tore us apart.

I was a very selfish person. And being a selfish person I was very lazy. Now I want to make clear that I am STILL selfish AND lazy, but God has done and is still doing a work in me. I have come a long way and have a longer way to go.

LONG story short, I have learned a few things.

First, I learned how to submit to my husband. I had thought I was submissive, and if you had asked Brian if I was submissive, he would have said yes with no reservations. God showed me what it meant to be truly and biblical submissive (and not just submissive according to what other ladies in the church said submission meant). In short, I am not a doormat, and you can search SUBMISSION at the top of the blog to read my views on submission. I am not perfect in this area, and I still daily fall short. But I know now when I am in the wrong. And it honors my husband when I submit fully with all my heart.

It is because I have learned what submission BIBLICALLY means that any of the rest of this makes any sense.

I have learned to met my husband's needs. God created me as a helper, a helpmeet to my husband.

I have learned that my husband NEEDS a clean house. Now you can search my archives and see my daily struggle with keeping a home. My house, while no longer completely messy, is not as clean as it can and SHOULD be for my husband. It did not get messy overnight and it will not get clean overnight. But I make time to not only clean, but get the kids to clean as well. And when we get something clean, we keep it clean. I see progress every day. And I will continue to make progress every day because my husband needs it.

I have also learned that I need to stop being so selfish and make sacrifices for my husband. Part of that means rubbing his feet, and doing so without getting anything in return. Brian has a hernia and several people all reported being able to avoid surgery by reflexology on certain points in the feet. So I have been trying to rub his feet every night. No matter how tired I am. And no matter how I would love for him to rub my feet just once. :)

I have learned to see that my husband shows me love in different ways. I could want something like a foot rub from my husband, but him rubbing my feet is not a way that he would show love to me. Sure, he would do it if I asked him. But I want him to just KNOW what I want. :) I have learned to share my wants/needs with my husband so he can fulfill them (if he is able). And if I do not share those wants/needs with him, I remember that he shows me love in different ways.

I have also learned that being a helpmeet means meeting his needs. I listen more carefully now for the little things he says he wants/needs done. Today, in passing, during the few minutes we actually got to spend together, he mentioned that he needed wool socks washed. In the past, i might have heard that and ignored it (too wrapped up in my selfishness to want to do laundry) or it gone in one ear and out the other (because, again, I would have been too wrapped up in my selfishness). So I did one load of laundry today. One load that will bless my husband when he has wool socks to wear tomorrow.

I also make him lunch now. You see, beforehand I was too lazy to worry about making a lunch for my husband (sounds so bad to say that I know). I would bring out something for the girls to eat, and snack on something myself, but felt it was too much effort to make something for my husband to eat. Because he works from his office, he can't really eat a meal, so I found a use for those Tupperware circle things with all the dividers for different veggies and a dip. I make a dip, put in some veggies, add some other fun finger foods and bring it in for him. He is able to snack all day on things MUCH healthier than candy and cookies.

And I think what has been the second most important change, only second to biblical submission, and only possible because of God...I smile. It sounds simply enough, but it means SO MUCH to my man. It is a literal NEED for him like breathing and water. And you know what, it has made my husband happier. It makes him secure in our marriage, especially during those times where he has two weeks worth of 17-20 hour workdays. It brings him a little bit of happiness and joy.

Actually all of these things so simple, yet when put together, help me make my marriage fireproof. With God's strength and daily grace, I am reminded of and able to do the simplest of things that didn't used to be so simple.


Anonymous said...

*Uh oh.. I wasn't paying attention when I hit the submit button and don't know it my last comment went through for moderation. Just delete this one if it did.*

We have a lot more in common than I thought. LOL. I'm selfish, lazy and a terrible housekeeper and I too struggle like you do. The only chore I actually like doing is vacuuming. lol. I do it all anyway with a smile on my face. (It's not always easy!)

That is so sweet about your dd's reaction to Fireproof. I have not seen that movie yet. I'm a non-conformist so for me to watch the latest thing is like fingernails on a chalkboard. LOL.
I've heard it has a strong message, but I'll probably watch it when the excitement over it fades. LOL.
(Unless we all have a 'craft/movie' night and I'm forced by my sweet friends to watch it.) Ha!

devildogwife said...

Uno pizza has gluten free pizzas. I've heard that they are really good. We haven't tried them yet. We also had a new chain pizzeria open, zpizza, that offers gluten free pizzas.

We just watched Fireproof on Thursday night, and it make us more appreciative of our marriage.