Today was a hard today. In fact, I knew it was coming. Most of the week was filed with therapy and doctor appointments. I have never had such a busy week since having children.
And yet even though I could see it coming. I could FEEL it coming, only once did I get on my knees and ask for help. Only once did I gather the girls around me as I finally broke down and cried out to God that I cannot do it.
I sometimes wonder if the things around us are allowed to go haywire in order to bring us back to Him. Or if it is the things going haywire that brings us back to Him.
I don't know why I am always trying to do it on my own. In my own strength. I know that in my weakness, He is made strong. I know that God is glorified when I allow HIM to do it through me.
Yet I keep getting this mindset of **I** have to do it. I am so glad God choses to break me gently. Although I must admit most would not call the week I have had gentle by any means.
But I do know that it could have been much worse. I know we have all played the what if... game. And I am thankful for a kind and loving and merciful God who knows that I am not at a place where I can handle my what if's...
So this weekend will be spent looking up. Looking to where my help comes from. To the author and finisher of my faith. I will spend this weekend, and hopefully without fail every day after, looking up to Jesus.
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