Preparing Sons for Marriage Panel Discussion
Speakers: Stacy and James McDonald, Vicki Lewis and Little Bear Wheeler
How can you have your son's heart?
*trust and honor
*point them to Jesus - they listen to us through Jesus
*the parent's heart has to be for their heavenly Father
*as the child gets older, you pray more and speak less
How to teach them about opposite sex relationships?
Guidelines for opposite sex relationships?
*we all have sinful hearts and are tempted - protect your son.
*That little girl (or young lady) is someone else's future wife. And you are some one else's future husband. Be faithful to your future wife.
*accountability for purity
*teach them modesty, emotional purity, physical purity and then preparing for marriage - what are YOU going to be like and how do you develop that to attract the type of girl that you want to marry?
*treat other's as someone else's spouse - would Daddy carry on a private conversation or be texting another woman a lot?
*parental involvement - Little Bear talked about how when a man approached him to court his daughter (the boy had been warned not to use the word date LOL!), Little Bear said you will date me first. So they met for coffee and so on. They did a LOT of things together just the two of them, then as a family. About a year after this had started, Little Bear began to feel as if they were from two different worlds. The young man was eating lunch with the entire family and said that he felt they were from two different worlds. The young man broke off the relationship. A few months later he married another women, and within the year he was divorced.
*There is an emotional and a physical gate that needs to be kept closed until you are ready to marry. CLOSED but not locked. When a man can say I can care for her like Christ cares for the church, he can open that emotional gate. When the girl says I can love and submit to this man as I love and submit to Christ, she can open the emotional gate.
What to do if mom and dad don't have the same views on preparing sons for marriage?
*pray pray pray and pray some more
*if you are living by rules, you cannot live by being led by the Holy Spirit
Parting Words of wisdom:
Fathers HAVE TO HAVE a relationship - a good close nurturing relationship with their son! Moms MUST BE CAREFUL not to put her finger on him and make him into a girl. Those men who are gay, a very high percentage of them did NOT have a close and loving relationship with their father. Fathers MUST get involved in the life of their son's! Text your son, despite YOUR work schedule. Let your son know they are more important than work! Malachi 4:6
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE teach your sons about the wife of their YOUTH! Men are waiting much too long to get married! If a man is going to wait until he has the perfect job, the perfect income, etc. he will never get married. Young ladies who are in their late 20's are crying out "where are the men?" Most men rather play on their video games than take responsibility for themselves and get married. Read Ben Franklin's thoughts on men and early marriage.
Pray Pray and PRAY HARDER!
Book: Standing Firm
Dads MUST show a sensitive heart to their sons. It transfers from father to son. Men must be honest in EVERY THING! A man of integrity will overflow onto his son.
Afterwards I went up and asked Vicki Lewis (who has one daughter and three sons) about how to protect a son from pornography. I have heard everything from shelter them and don't talk about it until they are young men to talk to them about it when they are three years old.
She said while you do start young, porn is a bit difficult for a 3 year old to understand. BUT you start out by teaching them RESPECT for women. How does Daddy respect you? How does he respect his sisters? God created him to PROTECT women. And she also encouraged me to begin praying for his purity. Satan is out there waiting to attack this area of his life. And it will happen.
She also encouraged me to talk to him about watching his words. He can say or do something and a girl will take it as something not meant. Have your girls share what the boys are telling them because he may say one thing or do one thing and she might think it is love. He needs to be aware of that and try to guard himself against it.
Generations of Virtue is a great resource. And Nav Press has a series How To Talk to Kids About Sex - different books are geared for different ages. It is a great guideline about what to talk about and when.
I also wanted to add that the July/August 2009 issue of No Greater Joy talks a lot about this subject.