Death Comes Unexpectedly

It is one of the quotes from the pastor in the Disney version of Pollyanna. I must admit always laughing at the hellfire and brimstone sermon (with the chandelier shaking). But never has those words hit me like they did at the news of Missey's death. You can read more about it from the above link.

I am sure that her death has affected us all in different ways. I thought I would share how her death has affected me. If you do the same, please share a link in the comments to how her death has affected you.

First, when I visit her blog (I had always enjoyed reading her blog since I first joined HSB) after hearing about her death, everything seems so normal. She says she will get back to us with more details later. It really hits just how quickly and unexpectedly death can come.

I look around my house at all that needs to be done. I am NOT a good keeper at home (I am currently in the process of learning and you can read about that journey on my homesteading blog). I wonder if I were to die today, what would people think when they came into my home? Would my husband be embarassed to ask for help from others because of the horrible state of our house? Toys and clothes here and there. The kitchen counter is covered with no room for people to bring meals over.

Last night my daughter had a fever of 103.6. I must admit I am not usually one to worry, but I was so scared of losing her last night. She had a horrible cough and I could hear her breathing was very raspy. There are few times in my life I have prayed as hard as I did last night.

Should I die tomorrow, I want my children to remember that their Momma was a HAPPY woman and not someone who yelled all the time. I want them to remember that their Momma LOVED and ADORED them and was so happy to be their mom and not someone who was just going through the motions of being a mom. I want them to know I ENJOYED them and spending time with them and not how much time I spent on things outside the family (like computer time, church activities, friends, etc.). I admit I miss them when I am away from them for even a quick trip to the grocery store alone.

I want my husband to feel blessed by the short time we had together and not realize that life is better without me (by no more nagging and such). When I shared about Missy's death he told me the only thing he feared more than losing this baby (or the kids) is losing me.

I am so overwhelmed with emotion right now and have been crying off and on for a few days now (since hearing of Missey's death). Maybe I am over reacting because of pregnancy hormones. OR maybe this is just the wake up call God needed to send me to cause me to change for His glory.

I want to cherish every moment I have with my family. I was reading recently on one of my friend's blogs about making memories with our children (please forgive me for not remembering who you are - I think it was Kay). I want my children to have great memories of me - of our time together. And that means SPENDING TIME together.

I want to ask my kids each day what they want to do and then try to do it. Not be worried about the mess, but focoused on the memory we are making. One of the reasons I got into scrapbooking (you can see my online scrapbook following the PICTURES link on the right hand column) was to leave a legacy for my children. I want them to be able to look at a picture and know who, when, where and what.

And even though I hate pictures of me being taken, I know that should I die, my children will want pictures of me. Pictures of me alone, of me with their Daddy, of me loving them and enjoying them. I need to allow more pictures of myself to be taken.

And I worry about training them up to be servants for the Lord - to be good and godly wives and mothers. I pray that for them and with them, but I am such a horrible example. I have just now started changing MY example.

I want them to remember and know me as a woman who loved the Lord and was filled with His peace and joy. Not as I am now. And I know that means I need to continue to change. More of Him and less of me.