In Sickness and For Worse

I guess you could say we just got the phone call that spun us into this part of our wedding vows.

Of course we have been through a lot of difficult things recently...
JJ's health issues, almost losing him, a month apart while I was in the hospital with him
EE has been having some behavioral issues that are difficult to deal with
Issues with Brian's side of the family

And now it is all about Brian - me beloved.

He has been having back pain, and after months, he finally agreed to see a doctor. After an x-ray, it was discovered he had degenerative disk disease.

At first we were scared. I mean two very bad words (degenerative and disease) were in the same diagnosis. But we did our resaerch (like any good wifey would) and actually had hope. A lot of people were able to reverse it through taking care of their back - without pain medication and without surgery.

But the doctor wanted to do an MRI to know the extent of the damage. And we got the results back today (doctor just got back today from vacation).

My beloved's back is bad. I mean really bad. Every bad things that can go wrong with a back was mentioned as they looked over the results of his MRI.

Our life has changed dramatically since his back pain. He is no longer able to help with the kids (not even able to pick up his 22 month old son). He is not able to run around and play with us like he used to. And in the evenings, I spend my time serving him rather than cleaning up.

And honestly I don't mind serving him. I love it. It is what I was created for. I just MISS my beloved. I miss him tossing the baby in the air. I miss him spinning the girls around. I miss him chasing the girls (and me). I miss his smile - which seems to wane more and more each day as the pain become unbearable.

I have no idea what to do and am drawn to my knees once again, this time on behalf of my beloved. I have been here many time before, usually on behalf of my children. Only once before on behalf of Brian, and that was when he was out of a job for 3 months and was beginning to worry. (Just to clarify, I do pray for my husband and my kids, but rarely am I on my face before God in desperation for them). Your prayers are appreciated.

My head is spinning right now and I feel hopeless. I know that is not of God. And I know as a helpmeet, I need to bring faith into this marriage during this difficult time and not fear.