Thursday, March 13, 2008

In Sickness and For Worse

I guess you could say we just got the phone call that spun us into this part of our wedding vows.

Of course we have been through a lot of difficult things recently...
JJ's health issues, almost losing him, a month apart while I was in the hospital with him
EE has been having some behavioral issues that are difficult to deal with
Issues with Brian's side of the family

And now it is all about Brian - me beloved.

He has been having back pain, and after months, he finally agreed to see a doctor. After an x-ray, it was discovered he had degenerative disk disease.

At first we were scared. I mean two very bad words (degenerative and disease) were in the same diagnosis. But we did our resaerch (like any good wifey would) and actually had hope. A lot of people were able to reverse it through taking care of their back - without pain medication and without surgery.

But the doctor wanted to do an MRI to know the extent of the damage. And we got the results back today (doctor just got back today from vacation).

My beloved's back is bad. I mean really bad. Every bad things that can go wrong with a back was mentioned as they looked over the results of his MRI.

Our life has changed dramatically since his back pain. He is no longer able to help with the kids (not even able to pick up his 22 month old son). He is not able to run around and play with us like he used to. And in the evenings, I spend my time serving him rather than cleaning up.

And honestly I don't mind serving him. I love it. It is what I was created for. I just MISS my beloved. I miss him tossing the baby in the air. I miss him spinning the girls around. I miss him chasing the girls (and me). I miss his smile - which seems to wane more and more each day as the pain become unbearable.

I have no idea what to do and am drawn to my knees once again, this time on behalf of my beloved. I have been here many time before, usually on behalf of my children. Only once before on behalf of Brian, and that was when he was out of a job for 3 months and was beginning to worry. (Just to clarify, I do pray for my husband and my kids, but rarely am I on my face before God in desperation for them). Your prayers are appreciated.

My head is spinning right now and I feel hopeless. I know that is not of God. And I know as a helpmeet, I need to bring faith into this marriage during this difficult time and not fear.


Tracy said...

Dear Paula,
I'm praying for all of you, that God will lift you up as on eagle's wings, and hold you in the palm of his hand.

Teri in CO said...

{{{Hugs}}} I'll be praying for Bryan and you and your family...

Elizabeth Joy said...

Dear Paula,

I am in prayer for you, right now. I know the God of heaven hears and cares for his children. Sickness and disease comes in this world. It can reach all people.

1. God can heal. If we are healed of disease, it is because of God. But sometimes there is a greater good. God sees the end from the beginning. Sometimes he chooses not to heal our bodies, but to use the experience to grow our faith. It is often the difficulties with life that make us really want to connect with God. God longs for us to connect with Him. Sometimes it is called "Abiding". The experience will give you a testimony to encourage others. God may let you go to sleep in Him until the resurrection at His second coming. But then He will make you whole and new. He is faithful. You can trust Him. He has a plan for you. He has hope and a good future waiting for you.

In His Joy,
Elizabeth Joy

P.S. I don't know much about this condition, but there are so many diseases and conditions that heal with getting rid of processed foods out of the diet and adding mega amounts of vegetables and fruits. If you haven't read "Eat to Live" by Dr. Joel Furhman yet, I highly recommend it. He has info on a website too.

BarbaraLee said...

Have had a second oppion? I this is going to be hard so my blessings go with you. I am a believer in oils and such. I have a friend who has Fibo and she loves this stuff called niga red. (not sure of the spelling) It is from young living oils. It could help.

Donetta said...

Oh sweetie, I am so sorry to hear of such suffering
be embraced. I will lift you up.

Laura said...

What a wonderful wife you are to your husband...

I will pray for you both as you struggle through this.

God is good...

Kristen.C said...

Paula I am so sorry to hear about the difficult news. I'll definitely keep your entire family in my prayers.