Sibling Rivalry

Throughout Scripture, God frequently refers to believers as brothers (and sisters). Just do a bible search for the word BROTHER or SISTER (there but less frequently). We are to love others as our brothers.

Fast forward to today. It is very rare to see BROTHERLY love. Of course there were problems in Biblical times too (just look at Jospeh). But it seems that it is even more abundant today. Just look inside any window in any house and you will most likely seem SOME sort of bickering going on among siblings.

And I have to wonder if our lack of love and respect for each other as siblings translates as a lack of love for our brothers and sisters in Christ as adults. Just pop into most any yahoo group and you will see what I mean. Sisters in Christ tearing each other down rather than building each other up. I have left many a yahoo group because of that very thing. It burdened and grieved my heart to stay there.

So what can we do? We can pray for revival (but revival starts with US right, that won't change anyone else). We can point out each others sins (and cause more bickering). Or we can start with a NEW generation.

OUR CHILDREN.

I looked up the word "sibling rivalry" in the Websters 1828 dictionary and it was NOT THERE! One of the things I love about that version of the dictionary is it uses scripture to define most all of it's words. So I looked up "rivalry" it said:

Competition; a strife or effort to obtain an object which another is pursuing; as rivalry in love; or an endeavor to equal or surpass another in some excellence; emulation; as rivalry for superiority at the bar or in the senate.

I had always thought rivalry was fighting, not competition! So my children are competing, for what? For my time, love and attention?

I have noticed that in families where the mom and dad spend lots of time with their children (after all, love to a child is spelled T-I-M-E), that there is not nearly as much sibling rivalry as those where the parents spend more time doing their own things.

I think it is sad today that there are few Titus 2 women around. It is hard to find an older lady today who is willing to teach younger women to be chaste, good, discrete, keepers at home, to be obedient to their husbands, to love their husbands and to ... what ... LOVE THEIR CHILDREN.

Why would we need to be taught to love our children? Especially women. After all, isn't it in nature to nurture? Well, I think that after a while, the world's voice starts to speak louder than our spirit. "They are pains." "They take you away from doing the things you want to." We need to be reminded that our children ARE blessings (not curses)! The Word of God tells us it is so! And we need to CHOOSE to love them!

So I think the change really DOES have to start with us, as mothers, choosing to LOVE our children. When we love them, we are an EXAMPLE of LOVE to them. How can we expect them to be loving if they don't have an example in us?

Be the example for them. TRAIN them. When there is rivalry, don't tell them to figure it out themselves! (That is like me getting in an airplane and being told to take off fly to New York and land - I have had no training and have no idea HOW to do it.) SHOW THEM! (See link for chart from Doorposts below for a start.) They really don't know how to handle conflict. They don't know how to ask for forgiveness. And they don't know how to forgive. They need to be encouraged and shown. And one day, it will be second nature to them. But they need to be trained first.

If you have not heard of Doorposts they are an EXCELLENT organization. They have a free chart on peacemaking in the home. It is a miniature chart, but a good start for those of us who don't have the money to buy the large one yet. (They also have other free charts and checklists that I encourage you to check out.)

For the next few weeks, I have decided we are going to go through 1 Corinthians 13. Each aspect of love will be written on a large sheet of paper and put on our fridge. We will talk all about that aspect for the rest of the week.

So our first one will be LOVE IS PATIENT. We will talk all about patience and practice applying patience with each other. And I will be the model. I will show my children patience (oh Lord give me patience and give it to me now). :) When they lack patience with each other, we will talk about how they can show patience. And when they show patience, they will be reminded what a great job they are doing applying God's word. Maybe every time they show the aspect we are working on (Patience this coming week), we will put a token in a jar. At the end of the week, we will take the tokens and goto a local amusement park and play or buy some ice cream, bring it home and have Sundaes! I will prolly start on Monday, give me time to write up some stuff, post stuff around the house.

I imagine a church of believers in the future who truly do love each other as brothers and sisters in Christ because they learned at an early age how to love their own brothers and sisters at home.